73 Witty Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

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Check out 73 Witty Quotes today.

73 Best Witty Quotes

1. “However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.” – Winston Churchill

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2. “I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.” – Suzanne Wright

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3. “There is never a better measure of what a person is than what he does when he’s absolutely free to choose.” – William M. Bulger

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4. “Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” – Benjamin Disraeli

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5. “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” – Woody Allen

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6. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” – Plato

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7. “A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.” – Anonymous

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8. “The world hates change yet it is the only thing that has brought progress.” – Charles F. Kettering

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9. “Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.” – William James.

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10. “Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.” – Kim Hubbard

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11. “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.” – Anonymous

12.  “I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.” –  David Livingstone

13. “Life is like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it shits on your head.” – Anonymous

14. “My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person. He believed in me.” – Jim Valvano

15. “It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.” – George Washington

16. “Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.” – Benjamin Franklin

17. “To keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.” – Anonymous

18. “If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.” – Anonymous

19. “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.” – Soren Kierkegaard

20. “Maturity involves turning an insult into a feedback.” – Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel

21. “The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding.” – Anonymous

22. “Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.” – Howard Aiken

23. “I don’t have a bad handwriting. I have my own font.” – Anonymous

24. “Whoever best describes a problem is the one most likely to solve it.” – Dan Roam

25. “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” –  Erma Bombeck

26. “Time is a great healer, but a poor beautician.” – Lucille S. Harper

27. “I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.” – Woodrow Wilson

28. “Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” – Criss Jami

29. “What gets measured gets managed.” – Peter Drucker

30. “Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.” – John Kenneth Galbraith

31. “Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.” – Anonymous

32. “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard P. Feynman

33. “Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.” – Otto von Bismarck

34. “I am not arguing. I am simply explaining why I’m right.” – Anonymous

35. “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

36. “Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.” – Anonymous

37. “The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.” – Michelangelo

38. “Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.” – Thomas Alva Edison

39. “Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more.” – William Cowper

40. “Every man is the architect of his own fortune.” – Anonymous

41. “We can’t always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

42. “He who wrestles with us, strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper.” – Edmund Burke

43. “How you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win.” – Gilbert Keith Chesterton

44. “The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.” – Linus Pauling

45. “All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions.” – Adlai E. Stevenson

46. “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

47. “When you are angry, try your best to go to sleep because it keeps you away from speaking, writing, and thinking.” – Amit Kalantri

48. “So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.” – Holly Hood

49. “A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

50. “You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.” – Naguib Mahfouz

51. “Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.” – Amit Kalantri

52. “Human beings aren’t rational animals; we’re rationalizing animals who want to appear reasonable to ourselves.” – Eliot Aronson

53. “I wasn’t used to guys making me blush, and I wasn’t sure why he even was making me blush.” – Holly Hood

54. “Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert.” – Dennis Sharpe

55. “You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference.” – Amit Kalantri

56. “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” – Peter Drucker

57. “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” – Doris M. Smith

58. “We find comfort among those who agree with us, and growth among those who don’t.” – Frank A. Clark

59. “I am not fat, I am just easier to see.” – Anonymous

60. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

61. “It ain’t what you know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” – Mark Twain

62. “Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

63. “Improve by 1% a day, and in just 70 days, you’re twice as good.” – Alan Weiss

64. “Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.” – Ralph Charell

65. “Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.” – Anonymous

66. “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” – Charles Darwin

67. “Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

68. “I don’t let go of concepts. I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.” – Byron Katie

69. “The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.” – Anonymous

70. “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make a mistake.” – Elbert Hubbard

71. “I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.” – Abraham Maslow

72. “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” – Tom Robbins

73. “If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.” – Anonymous

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See also:

Optimistic Quotes | Sympathy Quotes | Procrastination Quotes | Pregnancy Quotes | Mother Quotes | Equality Quotes | Cute Quotes |Feelings Quotes

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