Check out 10 Hilarious Quotes today.
10 Best Hilarious Quotes
1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” – Merkin
3. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” – David Letterman
4. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
5. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
6. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck
7. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
8. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres
9. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” – Clairee Belcher
10. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” – Anonymous
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