45 George Carlin Quotes That Will Motivate You

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Check out 45 George Carlin Quotes today.

45 Best George Carlin Quotes

1. “If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.” – George Carlin

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2. “If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? ” – George Carlin

3. “The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.” – George Carlin

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4. “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” – George Carlin

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5. “Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” – George Carlin

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6. “There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ” – George Carlin

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7. “People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.” – George Carlin

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8. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

9. “I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. ” – George Carlin

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10. “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” – George Carlin

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11. “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

12. “Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?” – George Carlin

13. “If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.” – George Carlin

14. “What if there were no hypothetical questions?” – George Carlin

15. “Religion is just mind control.” – George Carlin

16. “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” – George Carlin

17. “Atheism is a non-prophet organization.” – George Carlin

18. “The planet isn’t going anywhere. We are.” – George Carlin

19. “In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.” – George Carlin

20. “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

21. “Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.” – George Carlin

22. “If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.” – George Carlin

23. “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” – George Carlin

24. “I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.” – George Carlin

25. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin

26. “I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.” – George Carlin

27. “Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.” – George Carlin

28. “I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” – George Carlin

29. “I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” – George Carlin

30. “I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.” – George Carlin

31. “When you’re born into this world, you’re given a ticket to the freak show. If you’re born in America you get a front row seat.” – George Carlin

32. “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” – George Carlin

33. “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” – George Carlin

34. “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin

35. “Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.” – George Carlin

36. “Everyone smiles in the same language.” – George Carlin

37. “Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.” – George Carlin

38. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

39. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” – George Carlin

40. “Always do whatever’s next.” – George Carlin

41. “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.” – George Carlin

42. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

43. “Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” – George Carlin

44. “Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.” – George Carlin

45. “It’s never just a game when you’re winning.” – George Carlin

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See also:

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