Check out 45 George Carlin Quotes today.
45 Best George Carlin Quotes
1. “If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.” – George Carlin
2. “If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? ” – George Carlin
3. “The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.” – George Carlin
4. “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” – George Carlin
5. “Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” – George Carlin
6. “There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ” – George Carlin
7. “People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.” – George Carlin
8. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin
9. “I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. ” – George Carlin
10. “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” – George Carlin
11. “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin
12. “Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?” – George Carlin
13. “If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.” – George Carlin
14. “What if there were no hypothetical questions?” – George Carlin
15. “Religion is just mind control.” – George Carlin
16. “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” – George Carlin
17. “Atheism is a non-prophet organization.” – George Carlin
18. “The planet isn’t going anywhere. We are.” – George Carlin
19. “In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.” – George Carlin
20. “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin
21. “Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.” – George Carlin
22. “If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.” – George Carlin
23. “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” – George Carlin
24. “I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.” – George Carlin
25. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin
26. “I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.” – George Carlin
27. “Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.” – George Carlin
28. “I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” – George Carlin
29. “I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” – George Carlin
30. “I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.” – George Carlin
31. “When you’re born into this world, you’re given a ticket to the freak show. If you’re born in America you get a front row seat.” – George Carlin
32. “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” – George Carlin
33. “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” – George Carlin
34. “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin
35. “Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.” – George Carlin
36. “Everyone smiles in the same language.” – George Carlin
37. “Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.” – George Carlin
38. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin
39. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” – George Carlin
40. “Always do whatever’s next.” – George Carlin
41. “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.” – George Carlin
42. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin
43. “Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” – George Carlin
44. “Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.” – George Carlin
45. “It’s never just a game when you’re winning.” – George Carlin
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